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Popularity isn’t everything

Why a few close friends mean more than tons of fake ones.

You can be all by yourself, isolated from the world, yet feel content and okay in your own company. Likewise, you can maintain an active social life and constantly be surrounded by people while still feeling empty and disconnected from the rest.

It almost seems paradoxical. If I’m popular, if I have many friends, if I’m putting myself out there, why does it not equate to happiness? Shouldn’t I feel fulfilled? If I have all these connections, why is there an emotional dissonance? I’m surrounded by many but feel the same as if I were all alone. Alone and lonely are not synonymous words. Alone is a physical state. It is “having no one else present”. Loneliness is a mental state of being. It’s feeling like there is no one else present. It’s a void, one that only can be filled and satisfied by real, authentic connection. True happiness and joy come from meaningful relationships- it doesn’t come from numbers. It comes from feeling like someone is there for you.

Why a few close friends mean more than tons of fake ones

Reason #1: You need quality over quantity. 1 000 friends on Facebook, 500+ LinkedIn connections, 20 Snapchat streaks. That sure is a lot of friends. But how many do you talk to on a regular basis? How many do you hang out with? How many ask you “how are you doing” and elicit an actual, real response?

Quality friends are more than just a number. They are your go-to. Your ride or dies. The ones who don’t just view your life from afar. They’re apart of it. When it comes to giving support and having a healthy, reciprocal relationship, one good friend is worth far more than a dozen surface-level ones. You may have fleeting happiness with friends, but solid deep-rooted happiness is only truly found in quality friendships.

Reason #2: You learn to value the relationships you have. Nurturing and cherishing a few deep connections is far more valuable than sprinkling an equal amount of attention over many. We may be social creatures but things like time, energy, and effort are limited resources. When you’re divided amongst so many people, you fail to invest the time and energy required to blossom a real, genuine relationship. Sure, networking and making connections is an amazing skill to have, but these types of relationships will leave you wanting more.

Instead of spreading your attention thin over a ton of people, invest that energy into being the friend that you want to have. If you desire friendships full of caring, attention, and happiness then you also need to put in the work to make it happen. Soon enough, with your undivided attention, you can build fewer, but stronger relationships. By having and being a reliable, valuable friend, you give and receive happiness.

Reason #3: You don’t need social connections, you need an emotional connection. We meet a lot of people in our lives, but you know the ones who you just click with? Concentrate on them. When we forge intimate, close relationships in our lives it leads to positive mental and physical effects on our mind, body, and soul. In the long run, if you want to feel happy, safe, and supported, you need people in your life that you can trust with your utmost thoughts and fears. There’s a saying that “sadness, when shared, is halved and happiness, when shared, is doubled”.

There’s something special and fulfilling in having a friend who you can be completely authentic with. As humans, we crave intimacy. Having a few good friends and feeling understood far outweighs having a huge social circle of surface level friends.

Reason #4: You start spending moments that matter with people that matter. How do you spend your precious moments? When you’re not so focused on popularity, you opt to use that time and energy for yourself or people that you care deeply about. You invest more time to be with them.

The result? A life fuller of more meaningful, fun memories with people you love. At that moment when you realize, these connections are enough to satisfy your needs. Because the memories and bonds are meaningful, sharing, and reliving these moments together makes you feel happy.

Think about the last time you reminisced a memory, a recent trip or an event in a group chat with the people who were there with you. The anecdotes, inside jokes, the feeling of one on one connections. How did they make you feel? It felt good right? As if that moment had happened all over again. It felt like… happiness.

Genuine friendships, genuine moments, and genuine connections are what we love at Cookie Jar. We advocate that you live your moments that matter with people that matter. We’d love for you to be among the first to capture, store, and share your memories with CookieJar. Get the app by submitting your email here.

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